Parenting
From: 奥修 OSHO- Don’t Bite My Finger, Look Where Im Pointing
[A sannyasin and her young son are present. She says: It’s very difficult for me — I feel he is very strong and I don’t feel strong at all. I don’t know what to do in certain situations.]
[一门徒跟她年轻的儿子在场。她说：这对我来说很困难——我感觉他很坚强，我觉得自己一点也不坚强。在某些情况下，我都不知道怎么办。]
Osho：Let him be strong! Why should you be worried about his strength? It is good.
让他坚强！为什么你要担心他的力量？这是好的。
He has to be strong and the mother has to be soft. He has to be strong; only then can he grow into an individual. If he is soft and the mother is strong, he will be killed.
他必须坚强，母亲必须温柔。他必须坚强，只有这样他才能成长为一个独立的个体。如果他温柔，母亲坚强，他会被扼杀。
That’s what happens to many people: the mother is too strong and they are soft, or the mother would not allow them to be strong. Then they go on hanging around the mother for their whole life. Even if they are old and the mother is dead and gone they are still holding on to her apron strings; deep down they still psychologically depend on her.
那就是发生在很多人身上的：母亲太坚强了，他们则温柔，或者母亲不允许他们变得坚强。然后他们一辈子都离不开母亲。即便他们老了，母亲死了，他们也仍然抓着母亲的围裙不放，内心深处，他们心理上依然依赖母亲。
Children have to be very strong, so help him to be strong. It will be difficult for you to manage because the stronger he is, the more trouble he will create for you; if he is weak, there is no trouble.
孩子必须非常坚强，所以帮助他们变坚强。对你来说你很难做到，因为他越坚强，他就会给你制造更多麻烦。如果他懦弱，就不会有麻烦。
But one has to be strong in life: life creates trouble, life is risky, it is challenging. If he is dull and stale and just dead, he will sit in a corner and will not give you any inconvenience but then he is not alive!
但在生活/生命中，人必须坚强：生活会制造麻烦，生命是有风险的，它是持续的挑战。如果他迟钝、麻木、死气沉沉，他会呆在角落里，他不会给你造成任何不便，但那样的话他跟死了没什么两样！
If he is alive he will create many many problems for you. You have to face them. That’s what it means to be a mother: to face those problems. And by facing them you will also grow, by giving him freedom and strength you will also grow. Mother and child grow together.
如果他活着/有活力，他就会给你制造很多麻烦。你必须面对它们。那就是做一名母亲的意思：面对那些麻烦。面对它们，你也会成长，给他自由和力量，你也会成长。母亲和孩子会共同成长。
Daya means compassion, and compassion is the highest flowering of love. In love a little bit of lust remains; love remains contaminated with the earth. Love has something of the sky in it and something of the earth in it. It is dual: its body belongs to the matter, its soul belongs to consciousness.
Daya指的是慈悲，慈悲是爱最高超的花开。在爱里，还有一丝情欲，连着大地爱仍然有污染。爱里蕴藏着天空的某些东西，也蕴藏着大地的某些东西。它是二元的：身体属于物质，灵魂属于意识。
Compassion is pure soul, it is pure sky: it has no matter around it. It is the ultimate blooming of the flower. Even the flower disappears in it, only fragrance remains.
慈悲是纯粹的灵魂，它是纯粹的天空：它没有物质围绕。它是花朵的终极绽放。甚至花朵也消失其中了，只有芬芳弥留。
Shanti means silence, deva means god — god of silence. Help him to become as silent as possible. By being silent yourself, he will learn.
Shanti指的是宁静，deva指的是神——宁静之神。帮助他变得尽可能的宁静。通过让自己变得宁静，他也会跟着学会。
The child does not only depend on the mother for physical food, he depends on her in every way — for spiritual food also. So if you become silent, the child will follow it, he will learn it unknowingly; if you become meditative, he will become meditative.
孩子不只是在食物上依赖母亲，他各方面都依赖母亲——灵性的食物上也是。所以如果你变的宁静，孩子就会效仿，他会不知不觉的学会，如果你变得静心，他也会变得静心。
Whenever parents come to me and they complain about their children, they are not aware of what they are doing, because my own observation is that if something is wrong with the child, it must have come from the parents. It is almost always so: ninety-nine percent of it comes from the parents; the smaller the child, the more is the percentage.
当父亲来找我，跟我抱怨他们的孩子，他们不知道自己在做什么。因为我自己的观察是，如果孩子身上有什么地方不对，它一定来自父母。几乎总是如此：99%来自父母，孩子越小，这个比例就越大。
When the child becomes a little bigger and starts moving in society, then of course he learns from others too, but in the ultimate account, almost ninety percent always comes from the parents.
当孩子长大一点，开始进入社会，当然他也从别人身上学习，但最终，几乎90%总是来自父母。
So whatsoever you want the child to become, be. Be silent, be compassionate, be loving, be joyous, and you will be surprised that just by your being that, the child starts imbibing those qualities. And this will be the greatest thing for him, if he can imbibe silence.
所以无论你想孩子变成什么人，你先成那样。保持宁静，心怀慈悲，有爱，喜悦，你也会惊讶，自己只是这样做，孩子就开始吸收这些品质了。如果他能吸收宁静，对他来说这是最棒的事。
